


I Can't Say It

by Schweet



Category: Original Work
Genre: Baby Gay, F/F, Internalized Homophobia, LGBTQ Themes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-21
Updated: 2020-07-21
Packaged: 2021-03-05 04:27:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 289
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25428415
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Schweet/pseuds/Schweet
Summary: I don't know my dudes, I wrote this within the hour of realizing I was gay for my best friend. I was literally crying and was physically sick later in the day. I did not take it well.
Kudos: 5





	I Can't Say It

I haven't even said it out loud yet

Barely thought it in the past hour since I finally realized

So how can I tell anyone else

How can I tell my mother

My father

My grandmother

My church?

Especially when I know what I will become in their eyes

What I have become in my own?

Buried for years it has finally exploded to the surface

And noweverything has changed

How can I look at her without wanting to be with her?

Without wanting to know the feeling of her fingers intertwined with mine?

How can I hear her voice without wanting more?

Without aching to hear it whisper words meant only for me?

I've loved her for years

For as long as I can remember

Probably for as long as I have been alive

Does she remember when she declared us soulmates?

Did I ever tell her that was one of the best moments of my life?

How can I tell anyone about the pain that glorious memory now brings?

How I have locked it away in the back of my heart and am too scared to look at it even when it's three am and I am alone?

How I'm especially scared to think of it when I am alone?

But she can't know

- _Ever_ -

It'll change everything

How could I even tell her if I can't tell myself

I can't even say it here

On my own laptop where no one will ever see my horrible words

And the truth within my terrible heart

I can't admit it to myself because that would make it _real_

And that's not something I think I can fix

But I want to

I need to

_I love you_

**Author's Note:**

> Do your best to love yourself my friends <3


End file.
